Such good intentions people have when they ask, with all the concern their facial expressions can muster, "how are you doing?" Well truth be known i have been on an emotional roller coaster. Rational one minute, then irrational thought processes take over and I'm filled to the brim with fear and uncertainty. I cry one minute and the very next I can be laughing. what the f...!!! seriously i hate this, and i hate what i am going through and that i have no choice but to go through it. I love the people whom God has given me during this time..Charlie, my kids, my family, my friends, my co-workers, my surgeon...all exceptionally wonderful, sincerley caring and concerned, and most of them encouraging when i need it most. Some have no idea what to say, and thats ok, i was once there. Now i know, mostly what is needed is encouraging words and lots of hugs. However, hugs come with the risk of turning on the faucet of tears. So far disbelief has been replaced with ok, i got this, now what?, and of course shock. I haven't yet experienced the anger. I'm hoping i dont, because to me that means i feel hopeless. I dont feel hopeless. And for now i have no reason to. Where there is God, there is hope!!
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